Today as I walked in the sunlight with one of my littles

it suddenly hit me that I felt like "me" and I haven't felt like "me"

for a long, long time.

I know who I am at my core,

a daughter of Christ, a wife,

 beloved by both my God and my husband.

But everything else has been fairly shiftable.

I have struggled at my work,

wondering if its me or my employers/clients, or both.

I have been brought to points of needing to make decisions

that decidedly alters my/our life for a season,

and that is hard.

Some roles I thought were mine for asking have been taken away.

Some roles I have never wanted I have been asked to take.

Things I have deeply desire have been witheld.

Many close to me have been hurt and are currently hurting

physically and/or emotionally.

This is not a pity nor an empathy party.

Just an admittance.