Thursday, January 29, 2015


I tried to write a year synopsis.
I tried really REALLY hard.
But I was at over 100 pictures and still 
missing so many vital parts of the year,
so I stopped.

This year was so rich and intense.
Even now I want to list out what made it so
and I just cannot condense the joy of this year to a list,
try as I might.

 So instead I'll tell you about the gifts for Little One.

For years I've been setting little things aside 
for when our babies came.
Little onesies and things you know.
But the babies didn't come... and didn't come.
So I stopped collecting things and put what I had away.

In one of the early days when we were just really struggling
with the conflict between the joy that I was carrying a miracle
to the pain that we may only have today with this sweet baby,
the weight of that conflict found us weeping in prayer.
Praising and thanking our Father for the privilege
of loving this child and asking that if it be His will,
may we have another day and please may we have many many days?

As we were praying I felt Josh get up and leave the room.
He came back with all our little things for our dream babies
and he began wrapping them.
One by one.
Carefully folding the little clothes in the paper and then wrapping it with string.
His tears staining the paper as he continued to pray
for the child we hoped would wear these little gifts one day.
And then writing on the top;

To Little One


Mama and Papa

Until each and every little gift of hope was wrapped up.
We set the gifts in a basket
to be opened on Little One's birthday.
Whether that meant a birthday here or a birthday in heaven,
we would rejoice in the gift that God had given.

And we wept over those little gifts again.
On the day we opened them with Jedidiah.

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